Billy was thinking of the places he didn't go to anymore and he thought of the Bronx. His old home, community and workplace. Why he felt that on a day when he wanted to go somewhere new was confusing. He was looking for fun yet wanted the familiar. He wanted to be in a warm blue ocean watching fish snorkeling a coral reef and be at the corner bodega getting a hot cup of coffee with hot milk and buttered roll.
It was nonsense he thought. His feelings frozen resulting in no decision. He felt nothing about anyplace, he only wanted to have some fun. He didn't want to be disappointed. Why make plans for the future when he wanted fun right now. Not something to look forward to in the future.
The places he didn't go anymore seemed more attractive and the ones he didn't less attractive. Like a walk at the beach on Long Island. The boardwalk, if it still existed anymore after Hurricane Sandy. He remembered the summers spent with his grandparents at Long Beach or with his aunt and uncle in Far Rockaway. Maybe he was just being nostalgic for simpler times with family and the boys he hung out with. Nothing to do but hang out on the street, play ball, games, ride the waves at the beach and at night lose his money at the arcades.
Now decades later what would replace that? Europe? The Caribbean? Canada? The Far West? None of it seemed appealing because it was too much of a commitment in uncertain times; a short trip would be better.
He didn't want to to do any research, he just wanted to go and figure it out as he went. Too much planning killed the fun. Just get up and go. Billy couldn't decide between the places he didn't go to anymore or somewhere new. He needed fun and he wanted it now. All the joy seemed to be sucked out of him and that was what he couldn't feel now. It wasn't a lack of feelings just a lack of one feeling......fun.
Saturday, September 20, 2014
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Mindfulness Notes
1. Negative thoughts and feelings are seen as passing mental events rather than aspects of the self; observing, mindfulness, and avoidance of judgment are all derived from the study of Zen meditation.
2. Mindfulness is the nonjudgmental observation of the ongoing stream of internal and external stimuli as they arise.
3. Mindfulness meditation can bring about benefit through helping develop the ability to observe intense feelings in the body as 'bare sensation'. By maintaining a perspective, during periods of formal meditation, in which no mental event is accorded any content value, the strong "alarm reaction" typical of response to pain can lose its strength simply by being observed as separate. It is an attentional stance that appears to produce an "uncoupling" of the sensory component of the pain from the cognitive and affective
dimensions.
4. Mindful observation cultivated in meditation can "carry over" into the tasks of everyday life.
5. Relapse Prevention (Marlatt & Gordon, 1985, Marlatt 1994) for use in
drug dependency. Marlatt recognizes addiction as an inability to accept the present moment, with a persistent search for the next "high". Mindfulness is used as a technique to develop acceptance of the present moment and to cope with such urges (Marlatt,1994).
6. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy employs interventions closely akin to
mindfulness, in particular encouragement to experience thoughts and feelings as they arise, without judging or evaluating them (Kohlenberg, Hayes & Tsai, 1993)
Phenomena that enter the individual's awareness during mindfulness practice, such as perceptions, cognitions, emotions, or sensations, are observed carefully, but not evaluated as good or bad, true or false, healthy or sick, or important or trivial... ' (Baer 2003, p 125). Contained in this summation are references to two factors: (A) deliberately paying full attention to present experience, and (B) adopting a nonjudgmental attitude to that experience.
7. Kabat-Zinn views mindfulness as 'detached observation'. He considers that meditation can be defined as the intentional self-regulation of attention from moment to moment" (Kabat-Zinn 1982, p34). He argues that there are two main types of meditation practice, concentration meditation and mindfulness meditation. He considers that concentration meditation involves the "restriction of attention to a single point or object", whereas mindfulness meditation, whilst it "presupposes concentration to maintain steady attention... " nevertheless "emphasizes the detached observation, from one moment to the next, of a constantly changing field of objects". He states that this "flexibility is achieved by concentrating on one primary object (commonly the successive flow of in- breaths and out- breaths), until attention is relatively stable, and then allowing the field of objects of attention to expand (usually in stages) to include, ultimately, all physical and mental events... " By "detached observation" he means that the "objects of observation are intentionally regarded with an effort to avoid judgment or interpretation".
8. Kabat-Zinn views mindfulness as 'detached observation'. He considers that meditation can be defined as the intentional self-regulation of attention from moment to moment. By "detached observation" he means that the "objects of observation are intentionally regarded with an effort to avoid judgment or interpretation".
9. Linehan contrasts this with not being able to identify thoughts as thoughts and
external events as external events, confusing the two things. The third core mindfulness 'what' skill she sees as "the ability to participate without self-consciousness" by which she means "entering completely into the activities of the current moment, without separating oneself from ongoing events and interactions". She distinguishes mindful participation from 'mindless' participation, the latter being participation without paying
attention (Linehan, 1993, pp 144-147).
10. Linehan stresses the importance of the first 'how' skill, taking a nonjudgmental stance, for the person with borderline personality disorder, to overcome the extremes of emotions.
11. The conceptualization and assessment of mindfulness idealization and devaluation to which they can be prone. She emphasizes that DBT involves stressing the consideration of the consequences of behaviors and events, instead of judging them good or bad. With regard to the second 'how' skill she writes: "patients must be taught how to focus their attention on one task or activity at a time, engaging in it with alertness, awareness, and wakefulness'. The third 'how' skill, being effective, is concerned with doing what is actually needed in a situation, rather than what is 'right'.
12. Linehan's understanding of mindfulness includes the two factors that also describes the mindful state as one involving a 'shift in cognitive set involving "de-centering" or "dis-identification".
13. Instead of identifying personally with negative thoughts and feelings and emotions, patients relate to negative experiences as mental events in a wider context or field of awareness'.
14. 'Metacognitive awareness refers to the extent to which thoughts, for example, are experienced as thoughts (mental events) rather than as aspects of self or direct reflections of truth' (Teasdale el al., 2002. Teasdale's understanding of mindfulness involves several factors: attending to current experience (especially thoughts and feelings); being nonjudgmental about the contents of
experience; controlling attention intentionally; 'de-centering' or 'dis-identification'; and experiential processing of thoughts rather than rumination about their content. Within MBCT training other possible aspects of mindfulness are mentioned. Segal et at., describe the skills to be learned in MBCT as 'concentration'; 'awareness/mindfulness of thoughts, emotions/feelings, bodily sensations'; 'being in the moment'; 'de-centering; acceptance/non-aversion, non-attachment, kindly awareness'; 'letting go'; "being' rather than 'doing", ' non-goal attachment, no special state to be achieved'; 'bringing
awareness to the manifestation of a problem in the body'.
15. Brown and Ryan (2003) discuss the nature of mindfulness. They quote Nyanaponika's description of mindfulness as the "clear and single-minded awareness of what actually happens to us and in us at the successive moments of perception". They distinguish 'awareness' and 'attention' as complementary aspects of consciousness, each present in normal functioning. By 'awareness' they mean "the background 'radar' of consciousness, continually monitoring the inner and outer environment. One may be aware of stimuli without them being at the center of attention". By 'attention' they mean "a process of focussing conscious awareness, providing a heightened sensitivity. They continue: "In actuality, awareness and attention are intertwined, such that attention continually pulls 'figures' out of the 'ground' of awareness, holding them focally for varying lengths of time" (Brown & Ryan, 2003). They further write that "mindfulness can be considered an enhanced attention to and awareness of current experience or present reality. Specifically, a core characteristic of mindfulness has been described as open or receptive awareness and attention which may be reflected in a more regular or sustained consciousness of ongoing events and
experiences' (Brown & Ryan). Brown and Ryan contrast this with
"consciousness that is blunted or restricted in various ways. For example rumination, absorption in the past, or fantasies or anxieties about the future can pull away from what is taking place in the present. " They also contrast mindfulness with compulsive or automatic behavior, and with the defensively motivated refusal to acknowledge or attend to an aspect of internal or external experience.
16. They note that 'emotional intelligence' involves perceptual clarity and
'emotional intelligence' involves perceptual clarity about one's emotions,
with receptivity to and interest in new experiences of the 'openness to experience' and new 'dimension of personality'.
17. Tibetan tradition, relates "Calm abiding as a state in which one sets one's mind on an object of observation... Setting the mind on the object is likened to tying an elephant to a post. The rope symbolizes mindfulness ... ; the post symbolizes the object of observation; the
elephant symbolizes one's mind... ". Tibetan tradition also refers to mindfulness as the antidote to 'forgetting the precept' or losing the chosen object of concentration. Thus here 'mindfulness' refers to continuous non-forgetfulness, with the function of inhibiting distractibility.
18. Kabat-Zinn describes practicing mindfulness focussed upon one's breathing until sufficient concentration is achieved so that a person can then focus on the flow of their thoughts. He refers in this context to the development of 'moment to moment awareness'.
2. Mindfulness is the nonjudgmental observation of the ongoing stream of internal and external stimuli as they arise.
3. Mindfulness meditation can bring about benefit through helping develop the ability to observe intense feelings in the body as 'bare sensation'. By maintaining a perspective, during periods of formal meditation, in which no mental event is accorded any content value, the strong "alarm reaction" typical of response to pain can lose its strength simply by being observed as separate. It is an attentional stance that appears to produce an "uncoupling" of the sensory component of the pain from the cognitive and affective
dimensions.
4. Mindful observation cultivated in meditation can "carry over" into the tasks of everyday life.
5. Relapse Prevention (Marlatt & Gordon, 1985, Marlatt 1994) for use in
drug dependency. Marlatt recognizes addiction as an inability to accept the present moment, with a persistent search for the next "high". Mindfulness is used as a technique to develop acceptance of the present moment and to cope with such urges (Marlatt,1994).
6. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy employs interventions closely akin to
mindfulness, in particular encouragement to experience thoughts and feelings as they arise, without judging or evaluating them (Kohlenberg, Hayes & Tsai, 1993)
Phenomena that enter the individual's awareness during mindfulness practice, such as perceptions, cognitions, emotions, or sensations, are observed carefully, but not evaluated as good or bad, true or false, healthy or sick, or important or trivial... ' (Baer 2003, p 125). Contained in this summation are references to two factors: (A) deliberately paying full attention to present experience, and (B) adopting a nonjudgmental attitude to that experience.
7. Kabat-Zinn views mindfulness as 'detached observation'. He considers that meditation can be defined as the intentional self-regulation of attention from moment to moment" (Kabat-Zinn 1982, p34). He argues that there are two main types of meditation practice, concentration meditation and mindfulness meditation. He considers that concentration meditation involves the "restriction of attention to a single point or object", whereas mindfulness meditation, whilst it "presupposes concentration to maintain steady attention... " nevertheless "emphasizes the detached observation, from one moment to the next, of a constantly changing field of objects". He states that this "flexibility is achieved by concentrating on one primary object (commonly the successive flow of in- breaths and out- breaths), until attention is relatively stable, and then allowing the field of objects of attention to expand (usually in stages) to include, ultimately, all physical and mental events... " By "detached observation" he means that the "objects of observation are intentionally regarded with an effort to avoid judgment or interpretation".
8. Kabat-Zinn views mindfulness as 'detached observation'. He considers that meditation can be defined as the intentional self-regulation of attention from moment to moment. By "detached observation" he means that the "objects of observation are intentionally regarded with an effort to avoid judgment or interpretation".
9. Linehan contrasts this with not being able to identify thoughts as thoughts and
external events as external events, confusing the two things. The third core mindfulness 'what' skill she sees as "the ability to participate without self-consciousness" by which she means "entering completely into the activities of the current moment, without separating oneself from ongoing events and interactions". She distinguishes mindful participation from 'mindless' participation, the latter being participation without paying
attention (Linehan, 1993, pp 144-147).
10. Linehan stresses the importance of the first 'how' skill, taking a nonjudgmental stance, for the person with borderline personality disorder, to overcome the extremes of emotions.
11. The conceptualization and assessment of mindfulness idealization and devaluation to which they can be prone. She emphasizes that DBT involves stressing the consideration of the consequences of behaviors and events, instead of judging them good or bad. With regard to the second 'how' skill she writes: "patients must be taught how to focus their attention on one task or activity at a time, engaging in it with alertness, awareness, and wakefulness'. The third 'how' skill, being effective, is concerned with doing what is actually needed in a situation, rather than what is 'right'.
12. Linehan's understanding of mindfulness includes the two factors that also describes the mindful state as one involving a 'shift in cognitive set involving "de-centering" or "dis-identification".
13. Instead of identifying personally with negative thoughts and feelings and emotions, patients relate to negative experiences as mental events in a wider context or field of awareness'.
14. 'Metacognitive awareness refers to the extent to which thoughts, for example, are experienced as thoughts (mental events) rather than as aspects of self or direct reflections of truth' (Teasdale el al., 2002. Teasdale's understanding of mindfulness involves several factors: attending to current experience (especially thoughts and feelings); being nonjudgmental about the contents of
experience; controlling attention intentionally; 'de-centering' or 'dis-identification'; and experiential processing of thoughts rather than rumination about their content. Within MBCT training other possible aspects of mindfulness are mentioned. Segal et at., describe the skills to be learned in MBCT as 'concentration'; 'awareness/mindfulness of thoughts, emotions/feelings, bodily sensations'; 'being in the moment'; 'de-centering; acceptance/non-aversion, non-attachment, kindly awareness'; 'letting go'; "being' rather than 'doing", ' non-goal attachment, no special state to be achieved'; 'bringing
awareness to the manifestation of a problem in the body'.
15. Brown and Ryan (2003) discuss the nature of mindfulness. They quote Nyanaponika's description of mindfulness as the "clear and single-minded awareness of what actually happens to us and in us at the successive moments of perception". They distinguish 'awareness' and 'attention' as complementary aspects of consciousness, each present in normal functioning. By 'awareness' they mean "the background 'radar' of consciousness, continually monitoring the inner and outer environment. One may be aware of stimuli without them being at the center of attention". By 'attention' they mean "a process of focussing conscious awareness, providing a heightened sensitivity. They continue: "In actuality, awareness and attention are intertwined, such that attention continually pulls 'figures' out of the 'ground' of awareness, holding them focally for varying lengths of time" (Brown & Ryan, 2003). They further write that "mindfulness can be considered an enhanced attention to and awareness of current experience or present reality. Specifically, a core characteristic of mindfulness has been described as open or receptive awareness and attention which may be reflected in a more regular or sustained consciousness of ongoing events and
experiences' (Brown & Ryan). Brown and Ryan contrast this with
"consciousness that is blunted or restricted in various ways. For example rumination, absorption in the past, or fantasies or anxieties about the future can pull away from what is taking place in the present. " They also contrast mindfulness with compulsive or automatic behavior, and with the defensively motivated refusal to acknowledge or attend to an aspect of internal or external experience.
16. They note that 'emotional intelligence' involves perceptual clarity and
'emotional intelligence' involves perceptual clarity about one's emotions,
with receptivity to and interest in new experiences of the 'openness to experience' and new 'dimension of personality'.
17. Tibetan tradition, relates "Calm abiding as a state in which one sets one's mind on an object of observation... Setting the mind on the object is likened to tying an elephant to a post. The rope symbolizes mindfulness ... ; the post symbolizes the object of observation; the
elephant symbolizes one's mind... ". Tibetan tradition also refers to mindfulness as the antidote to 'forgetting the precept' or losing the chosen object of concentration. Thus here 'mindfulness' refers to continuous non-forgetfulness, with the function of inhibiting distractibility.
18. Kabat-Zinn describes practicing mindfulness focussed upon one's breathing until sufficient concentration is achieved so that a person can then focus on the flow of their thoughts. He refers in this context to the development of 'moment to moment awareness'.
Monday, September 1, 2014
Ten Jumping Jacks
Phew! I couldn't do without it. What is that feeling? That thought? Where does it come from? Now contrast that to meditation.
Can I say, I couldn't do without that? No matter how much it pains me I still come back to exercise. But meditation? It doesn't pain me.
Thoughts during meditation? They float in and if I get stuck to an individual one then it becomes a narrative, written unassisted by my mind. I am unaware of creating it. It's in my head. If I don't latch onto it and let it go another comes and so on. I either get stuck or let it go. Does the process stop? Can I just watch them pass without sticking on one to the point where I forget I'm meditating in the moment? I don't know, but I think it's the goal in meditation to let them pass and get to a point without thoughts. It takes persistence, practice and skill to let them go. Becoming the observer of the mind. Not getting carried away with a narrative but to remind myself to be present and not in the narrative.
It is suggested to label them as: thinking, worry or planning. Becoming mindful of them: Worry, worry, worry or thinking, thinking thinking. Planning seems to the biggest occupier now. Planning for the future and then worrying about it. Can we plan without worry? Worry is the emotion of fear. It then becomes physical as tension in the body and simple stress. Stress cannot help with planning.
Anxiety or stress leads to depression. Taking that one thought and letting it occupy the mind to the exclusion of anything else. One can even forget to eat. We then worry about worry. We worry why we can't fix the problem and so on.
When worry becomes anxiety then it hard to plan. My advice to self is to prioritize needs and plan how to meet goals. Meditate so one can think clearly. Exercise so that the body stays healthy and lessens anxiety; ridding the body of tension, but don't overdo it or it becomes punishment and pain. Which ironically leads to more worry about the body.
Can I say, I couldn't do without that? No matter how much it pains me I still come back to exercise. But meditation? It doesn't pain me.
Thoughts during meditation? They float in and if I get stuck to an individual one then it becomes a narrative, written unassisted by my mind. I am unaware of creating it. It's in my head. If I don't latch onto it and let it go another comes and so on. I either get stuck or let it go. Does the process stop? Can I just watch them pass without sticking on one to the point where I forget I'm meditating in the moment? I don't know, but I think it's the goal in meditation to let them pass and get to a point without thoughts. It takes persistence, practice and skill to let them go. Becoming the observer of the mind. Not getting carried away with a narrative but to remind myself to be present and not in the narrative.
It is suggested to label them as: thinking, worry or planning. Becoming mindful of them: Worry, worry, worry or thinking, thinking thinking. Planning seems to the biggest occupier now. Planning for the future and then worrying about it. Can we plan without worry? Worry is the emotion of fear. It then becomes physical as tension in the body and simple stress. Stress cannot help with planning.
Anxiety or stress leads to depression. Taking that one thought and letting it occupy the mind to the exclusion of anything else. One can even forget to eat. We then worry about worry. We worry why we can't fix the problem and so on.
When worry becomes anxiety then it hard to plan. My advice to self is to prioritize needs and plan how to meet goals. Meditate so one can think clearly. Exercise so that the body stays healthy and lessens anxiety; ridding the body of tension, but don't overdo it or it becomes punishment and pain. Which ironically leads to more worry about the body.
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