Oprah didn't die for your sins the sign read. The man holding it on the street corner was ordinary looking enough, Billy thought as he was driving to the store for something to eat. He couldn't figure it out at first, was it a joke or lunacy? Just a laugh he decided. Pretty funny too! An idea some smart ass thought would bring a smile on to people this Friday morning. And it was a beautiful day. That end of summer pre-fall coolness in the air with a clear blue sky. Billy thought, yes it's a sign.....just that..... pointing to something he really was feeling. Not craziness but joy for no particular reason. Yeah! Why joy and not the usual numbness and gloominess today? Very different than the usual crap when even doing right felt wrong. Why today? Why even think about it? It actually felt good. Just enjoy it!
Then he wanted to share it. Where did that come from? Go on Facebook and post something to spread that good feeling. Take his picture and post that. Just as the man holding the sign was doing. Then folks could see just how much of a smart ass he was or decide he was a mere fool too. Maybe that was all social media was. A crazy person on the street corner holding up a sign with some prophetic saying. People have this need to share. Part of a community. So communicate.
Fuck it, just turn up the radio and play some good old rock and roll. Or park the car, get out and walk. Just smile at people. Breathe all that good fresh air. Be one with nature. Just be happy! For a moment, before the doom and gloom of reality set in. How long can this feeling last? The more Billy thought like this the more this joyous mood began to slip away. Now his mind latched onto that like a fishing hook snagged to a rock. That became the beginning of the end.
But wait he thought! Stop! Let it go. Push those down-turned lips into a smile. Don't think, don't ask why, just enjoy. Let it be! You see, Oprah didn't die for your sins.
Friday, August 29, 2014
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Anti-lock, Pirate, and Fiddlehead
The events of the past two months have thrown Billy into a tail-spin. Just a bomb drop of thoughts descending to earth like a blanket bombing in those Viet Nam documentaries on the History Channel. It's like his brain has hit a shit storm of bad weather and those anti-lock brakes aren't kicking in, his brain spinning left, right, straight and right off into that big Twilight Zone swamp of mud and fiddleheads just off to the side of reality. He can almost hear the Rod Serling voiceover!
Billy thinks he's losing it. A pirate has boarded his brain and he's in panic mode. He's gotta talk to somebody. His wife? Well she's along for the ride too and getting stuck in the fiddlehead swamp too. Talking irrationally to each other will make it worse, Billy thinks.
"Listen, Margaret I know you want things to be different but that ain't happening", Billy says.
"Yeah, you don't get it do you? Things are shit. I'm living in hell and I just want to die." Margaret says.
"I do get it", he responds.
"Do you? You know the pain and suffering I'm going through? How can you sit there not doing anything and say you know what I'm going through?", Margaret starts getting louder. Angrily says, "you don't tell me what I'm going through you've no idea".
Billy thought there's just no way to make sense here. They're both spinning out of control. Trying to get control makes it worse. Why can't he accept it? But his brain seizes up again. He's stuck in a death spiral. The anti-lock brakes fail to self-correct. And so it goes. Two people who in normal times are the best of friends. A nice comfy quiet ride with some rough patches but those anti-lock brakes fire up automatically and it's a pleasant drive again. But now this ain't normal times, Billy thinks. It's the perfect storm of disasters, the pirates have invaded his brain, it's out of control. His brain is firing in overdrive and it ain't stopping. The storm is raging, more to come. We're headed for the damn swamp!
Billy thinks he's losing it. A pirate has boarded his brain and he's in panic mode. He's gotta talk to somebody. His wife? Well she's along for the ride too and getting stuck in the fiddlehead swamp too. Talking irrationally to each other will make it worse, Billy thinks.
"Listen, Margaret I know you want things to be different but that ain't happening", Billy says.
"Yeah, you don't get it do you? Things are shit. I'm living in hell and I just want to die." Margaret says.
"I do get it", he responds.
"Do you? You know the pain and suffering I'm going through? How can you sit there not doing anything and say you know what I'm going through?", Margaret starts getting louder. Angrily says, "you don't tell me what I'm going through you've no idea".
Billy thought there's just no way to make sense here. They're both spinning out of control. Trying to get control makes it worse. Why can't he accept it? But his brain seizes up again. He's stuck in a death spiral. The anti-lock brakes fail to self-correct. And so it goes. Two people who in normal times are the best of friends. A nice comfy quiet ride with some rough patches but those anti-lock brakes fire up automatically and it's a pleasant drive again. But now this ain't normal times, Billy thinks. It's the perfect storm of disasters, the pirates have invaded his brain, it's out of control. His brain is firing in overdrive and it ain't stopping. The storm is raging, more to come. We're headed for the damn swamp!
Monday, August 25, 2014
Gold Ballet Shoes and a Deciduous Tree
WTF is this about. Gold ballet shoes and a deciduous tree. A tree that loses it's leaves in the Fall. As in the fall of man or leaves. Maybe thats what happened to me. Like narcissus I thought I could cheat death, do what I damn well pleased, bought some gold ballet shoes being that gold sneakers are all the rage now and dance my way through life.
Wouldn't it be nice to have them shoes. Almost a fairy tale too. What would the the lesson be about. Don't get too hung up in shit, life's a dance? Go as fast as can? Nasty shit could happen. Probably. So go with the flow. Bring it on and various other Zen stuff cause shit definitely happens. You could be looking at TV turn to get something and throw your back out. Walk down the street and bam some young punk sucker punches you in the head.
So life is random. If you get curious, want to have some fun well put on your gold ballet shoes take a walk and watch the leaves drop from a deciduous tree. Unless of course instead of the leaves it's the tree that falls on you. Then you will have to hang up those gold ballet shoes for a long time. How many seasons do you have to wait? Time will pass and the leaves will drop, the snow will fall and spring will come. The deciduous trees will bud and grow and in the Fall will drop again. By then maybe you can put on your gold ballet shoes and really do a dance. Be happy your alive and didn't get crushed by that damn tree.
So you have to wonder if I had just paused for a moment on my walk for any thing that day, the damn tree might have missed me. But truthfully, that fucking tree was falling anyhow, When I went for a walk there was nothing I could do about it. Bam!
Wouldn't it be nice to have them shoes. Almost a fairy tale too. What would the the lesson be about. Don't get too hung up in shit, life's a dance? Go as fast as can? Nasty shit could happen. Probably. So go with the flow. Bring it on and various other Zen stuff cause shit definitely happens. You could be looking at TV turn to get something and throw your back out. Walk down the street and bam some young punk sucker punches you in the head.
So life is random. If you get curious, want to have some fun well put on your gold ballet shoes take a walk and watch the leaves drop from a deciduous tree. Unless of course instead of the leaves it's the tree that falls on you. Then you will have to hang up those gold ballet shoes for a long time. How many seasons do you have to wait? Time will pass and the leaves will drop, the snow will fall and spring will come. The deciduous trees will bud and grow and in the Fall will drop again. By then maybe you can put on your gold ballet shoes and really do a dance. Be happy your alive and didn't get crushed by that damn tree.
So you have to wonder if I had just paused for a moment on my walk for any thing that day, the damn tree might have missed me. But truthfully, that fucking tree was falling anyhow, When I went for a walk there was nothing I could do about it. Bam!
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Antsy
Antsy the Moose
This is the story of Antsy. He may sound like an ant but in fact he is a moose. Not the organizational type, he prefers to walk around, eat and watch the world go by none too ambitious perhaps relative to his size. What does Antsy want you may wonder? Just to hang out and have goofy eyed people wonder at his size and antlers? Perhaps...most people are afraid but he really is no meanie. Most folk just leave him be. The one thing to watch out for is cars and trucks.
One day Antsy was at the park eating some grass minding his own business when a bicyclist on the bikeway crashed into a tree cause he couldn't keep his eyes off Antsy and forgot to watch the road. Bang into the tree. Antsy looked up bored with human behavior. Why do folks think I am so alarming? They should be more alarmed at their dumb ways Antsy thought.
Now the bicyclist was standing up and checking himself out for injuries which were none and to his bike Antsy couldn't tell. But the rider was starting to curse at him and calling him all sorts of names. Yes, he was angry and blamed Antsy for everything. The usual foolishness of humans, Antsy thought. Can't accept responsibility for their actions......so blame the big old moose.
Antsy went back to eating and the bike rider went on cursing as he got on his bike and rode away. The moral of the story: watch where you're going!
This is the story of Antsy. He may sound like an ant but in fact he is a moose. Not the organizational type, he prefers to walk around, eat and watch the world go by none too ambitious perhaps relative to his size. What does Antsy want you may wonder? Just to hang out and have goofy eyed people wonder at his size and antlers? Perhaps...most people are afraid but he really is no meanie. Most folk just leave him be. The one thing to watch out for is cars and trucks.
One day Antsy was at the park eating some grass minding his own business when a bicyclist on the bikeway crashed into a tree cause he couldn't keep his eyes off Antsy and forgot to watch the road. Bang into the tree. Antsy looked up bored with human behavior. Why do folks think I am so alarming? They should be more alarmed at their dumb ways Antsy thought.
Now the bicyclist was standing up and checking himself out for injuries which were none and to his bike Antsy couldn't tell. But the rider was starting to curse at him and calling him all sorts of names. Yes, he was angry and blamed Antsy for everything. The usual foolishness of humans, Antsy thought. Can't accept responsibility for their actions......so blame the big old moose.
Antsy went back to eating and the bike rider went on cursing as he got on his bike and rode away. The moral of the story: watch where you're going!
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