Places I Don't Go Anymore

Billy was thinking of the places he didn't go to anymore and he thought of the Bronx. His old home, community and workplace. Why he felt that on a day when he wanted to go somewhere new was confusing. He was looking for fun yet wanted the familiar. He wanted to be in a warm blue ocean watching fish snorkeling a coral reef and be at the corner bodega getting a hot cup of coffee with hot milk and buttered roll. It was nonsense he thought. His feelings frozen resulting in no decision. He felt nothing about anyplace, he only wanted to have some fun. He didn't want to be disappointed. Why make plans for the future when he wanted fun right now. Not something to look forward to in the future.

The places he didn't go anymore seemed more attractive and the ones he didn't less attractive. Like a walk at the beach on Long Island. The boardwalk, if it still existed anymore after Hurricane Sandy. He remembered the summers spent with his grandparents at Long Beach or with his aunt and uncle in Far Rockaway. Maybe he was just being nostalgic for simpler times with family and the boys he hung out with. Nothing to do but hang out on the street, play ball, games, ride the waves at the beach and at night lose his money at the arcades.

Now decades later what would replace that? Europe? The Caribbean? Canada? The Far West? None of it seemed appealing because it was too much of a commitment in uncertain times; a short trip would be better.

He didn't want to to do any research, he just wanted to go and figure it out as he went. Too much planning killed the fun. Just get up and go. Billy couldn't decide between the places he didn't go to anymore or somewhere new. He needed fun and he wanted it now. All the joy seemed to be sucked out of him and that was what he couldn't feel now. It wasn't a lack of feelings just a lack of one feeling......fun.